rock the boat

Good News, Bad News

2005-09-04T12:07:00.000+08:00

My mother's nephew (well, we kind of are not in good terms so I call him that) had a baby boy last September 2, 2005. I don't have anything against the baby though. A*holeness doesn't pass through blood and genes... hopefully. =) Welcome to the world, Sandro! ^__^

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Haaay. Speaking of the world, bruhilda talaga si Gloria. I was aghast when I heard from the television that she's talking about our OIL PROBLEM being stable and all and since that is so, we are NOT IN ANY IMMINENT DANGER of going bankrupt. SO WE SHOULD REALLY TRY AND HELP THE UNITED STATES. Huwaaat??!!?!?! Well, I can understand that hurricane really did great damage on the southern part of US (particularly New Orleans). But I CAN ALSO UNDERSTAND that the Philippines still looks more worse for wear than the hurricane-devastated America, no matter how you put it. Even if you tell me that our economy's stable (my ass) and that the oil prices are of no matter (their asses).

I don’t want to sound insensitive or anything, because I’m not. I was also very sorry that happened to the people there and was concerned for their safety. But I am also not insensitive to MY COUNTRY’S NEEDS, and right now there are more people starving here than the United States and Canada and Europe combined. So a BIG, BIG pox to you, Gloria. Matakot ka sa ginagawa mo. Wag kang masyadong magpalakas sa mga Kano. Because in the end, it’s the Filipino people (and ultimately God) who will decide your fate.

It’s really hurtful to see people who LIVE in your country and call themselves FILIPINO but CARE and THINK more of OTHER COUNTRIES' WELFARE and GAIN. Haaaay. Hindi natin sila Big Brother, please. More like Big Pretenders. >(

*This is one of the few topics that can reel me in to write on my blog nowadays. Medyo kasi toxic ako ngayon na hindi… just enough to give me time to sleep and think of my self for a few hours. =)

Love Actually...?

2004-12-05T10:14:00.000+08:00

Sinusundan ako ni Baste. =) He's in Blogspot now. *claps gleefully*

Hehehehe, pasensya na sa aking malaking ilusyon. Wala kasi akong lovelife ngayon. Kaya't pinagkakasya ko na lang sa pantasya ko kay Baste a.k.a "Dream Boy."

Nakita ko ulit siya sa TRP at medyo lang namang kinikilig ako. =) But enough about him. It's already giving me the creeps that I can be such a STALKER. At gusto ko pang dumating ang panahon na pag nagkakilala na kami, ^__^ ay hindi ako mahihiya sa sarili ko na kausapin siya dahil sa mga pinagsusulat-sulat ko dito. At pag mabasa man niya ito, hindi siya matatakot sa akin. =)

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A friend asked me, how do I know that I'm not in love anymore. Well, here were my answers:

1. I am not 'aware' of him anymore.
2. It doesn't hurt anymore when I think of him or of what happened between us. I actually cringe of embarassment and laugh about it.
3. There's none of the 'hair raising, goose bumpy, hypersensitive' feelings anymore when I see him.
4. I don't really care THAT MUCH what happens with his life now.

It's actually good to face such questions again because you get to remind yourself where you stand and why you chose such decisions that lead you to where you are now.

I guess I would still care what happens to him, not just EVERYTHING that happens to him. After all, I once loved the guy. My feelings weren't just some sticker one can strip off and there wouldn't be a single trace that it ever got stuck. I know he would always have a small place in my heart. It just wouldn't be a vital one. =)

Eeeyuch. Sorry, that was a lot of cheese. I just don't know how else to convey it. *_*

I'm curious as to whether it IS the same or different for each case of said endings ^__^ : How do YOU know that you're not in love with a person anymore? =)

Brownies

2004-11-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had that feeling that you want to temporarily disconnect yourself from the world? That you just want no contact, no information, no idea what's happening outside other than in the sanctuary of your own room? This was what I did when God granted us a month-long sembreak. I just wanted to lock myself in a box. Not the type that they lower to the ground 6 feet below, but a very comfortable one: with a tv, a bed with cushions and lots of pillows, a dvd player, two electric fans, non-toxic books I can read, and an occassional airconditioner. It actually felt good to sleep whenever I wanted to. And it was de-stressing not to think of what to post in my blog, and if I should answer emails or not, plus the bonus of not having a load which prevented me from communicating even if I wanted too. Total seclusion. Monk-like, hermitty, St. Beneditine-ish, however you want describe it. Without the bouts of boredom and the hard rocks to sit on and the silence that can sometimes drive you to jump off a tree.

Regrets can come after such luxury. I miss my friends.

Mga Singit

2004-11-16T18:32:00.000+08:00

Isa sa mga pinakaka-ayaw ko ay ang mga singit na hindi marunong PUMILA. Syet. Sorry at ang aking bagong entry ay tungkol pa sa mga bwisit na nilalang na ito. I'm here at myPad, typing this away because I am PISSED. To give you an idea, I was so pissed off I was giving murderous looks and really contemplating of tripping this big HADHAD should she make a mistake of coming too close to Bitchy ME.

I was waiting for my turn to use one of the PCs when I saw her let her friend (who came in AFTER I did) use her computer. I thought that was the end of that insult but NO! After another customer logged off, she immediately grabbed the spot and said "KANINA PA AKO DITO EH." Paking nang shwangit nyang ina. I know my face was already contorted and ready to tear off any part of her that comes within inches of me because the myPad personnel was close to sweating his brains out how to pacify me.

Why didn't I make a scene? I really wish I had but since the personnel turned chicken on me, I didn't think it would make much of a difference anymore. Unless I disembowel her AND him but that would only ban me here and that's not what I want, IN THE LONG RUN.

Hay nako. Masisira lang ang byuti ko dito kaya't wag nang pansinin. Next time that happens, well, I won't be responsible for where their heads will turn up.

On another note....

May Mister at Miss Med poll kami online. Pina-alala ni Robert na kailangan na naming bumoto (which reminds me, gotta vote!) at sinabi rin niya kung sinu-sino ang mga leading sa botohan: si CSTGTRC (na Hovering na ang bagong a.k.a) sa mga lalaki at si Dalagang Pilipina sa mga babae. Naisip ko na kaagad na si Marlon ang iboto dahil may itsura naman talaga yung tao. =) Syempre, lapit itong si Hovering tapos sabi: Uy Mean ha, wag nyo akong bobotohin. HALLER!!!!!!! HINDI KO SIYA SINAGOT. AHAHAHAHAHA. Kasi kung magta-transform ako into a mean MEAN GIRL, eh ang sagot ko (with matching raised right eyebrow): HINDI NAMAN IKAW ANG BALAK KONG IBOTO EH. MWAHAHAHA. >D

Bwisit talaga ang mga singit. (na Hovering na ang bagong a.k.a)

Reunion

2004-10-10T16:38:00.000+08:00

We had a just-cousins reunion last Friday night because Ate Winnie got back from the States. It was fun, especially that my former you're-just-kids-so-we-won't-waste-time-on-you cousins had a big reversal on their attitudes. They're more accomodating, less 'high and mighty' and acted more like our cousins than "the popular kids." =) There was Tequila, beer, Red Horse (which reminded everybody of Feng Shui) and the Bacardi rum that our other cousin John gave Ate Winnie as pasalubong for everybody. Topics ranged from John's new girlfriend, which we all teritorially didn't approve of (it was an almost-all girls drinking spree), to how everybody's life are, to taking pictures of us proudly holding up ourselves and the alcohol bottles. We also felt the earthquake, were it had us all thinking "I can't be drunk already!"

It was a proud moment, for everybody and especially for me, since I didn't get drunk, AT ALL - just tipsy, and we already finished a 500 ml tequila bottle plus drank half of the Bacardi, which was 151% proof. The latter was the most feared because of the alcohol content with the warning label of "Do not smoke when drinking this. Flammable." Real potent. Everybody hated it, naturally, but I LUV rum, so it was chicken feed for me (as how Ate Winnie would put it). =D Auntie Mimba called from the States and we requested to wake John up (it was only 7am their time and 11pm here) and we
"soaped" him real good for not answering our emails. And ofcourse, we bragged about still standing after drinking that Bacardi which John, of Irish-Scottish-Filipino descent who drinks alcohol like water, regards it as the worst of them all.

Before, I dread coming to such gatherings because we all can't seem to find any common ground. The cousins don't really talk like we are cousins and the older ones just spend time with their age group while the younger gens tend to get left out and fend for ourselves. But after my Lola died, it somehow 'rocked' the forged and foregone ideas of everyone on everyone and it started people realizing that we better start treating others as relatives rather than distant acquaintances. Sometimes, natural calamities have to happen in order to bring people closer. =)

A Break From Hell Weeks

2004-10-08T15:30:00.000+08:00

I bought an organizer today. It felt like my world’s back on its axis again. I wish I can stick to my newly listed ‘lists’ and not have those increasingly frequent potent attacks of laziness I’ve had this past semester. My grades were appalling, to say the least. But I actually expected worse, as I always have. So I was a little ~~revealed~~ relieved. (I’m beginning to turn dyslexic. Gahd.)

Speaking of abnormalities, I’ve started reading romance pocketbooks again (hindi ito yung abnormality na tinutukoy ko =P) and what was surprising and slightly disturbing was that I was reading it like I was reading my transcriptions. As in "IN PASSING" or, in other words, "SPEED READING". ACK!!! Ano na ito?? Nasanay na ata ako na kina-cram ang aking mga binabasa. This is not good. I need to enjoy my time with detoxifying text and not rush myself (because I have 4 more pocketbooks to finish =D).

And she was so sure of his love for her that she knew she could drug him and he'd still love her the next day. Sure, he'd be angry and he'd shout at her and tell her what a damn fool thing she'd done, but he'd still love her. How many women felt that sure of the men in their lives that they could do that? With Donald, she was always trying to please him, but with Michael, just being herself seemed to please him.

Ganyan ang gusto kong lalaki. Although it's fiction and is never likely to happen in real life, it is my "suntok sa buwan."

Trial

2004-10-06T08:13:00.000+08:00

There Are Things To say

But I can’t

Therefore I will be silent

And let the wind pass by

Let it touch my hair

Let it hurt my eyes

Let it burn my skin

Let it be transient

And leave when it must

For there is no containing it

For there is no reason to

Hang On or Hang Him?

2004-09-17T10:40:00.001+08:00

Last night, I was in an overnight research proposal marathon cramming at my groupmate's house in Cavite. As usual, we didn't get most of the things done because everybody was already beat up and sleepy. There was a time that Doc PT and I were trying our best not to fall asleep, so we were eating X.O. coffee-flavored candies. She already had three consecutively, I had five. So we were a bit woozy and 'high' due to the combined potency of sleepiness and caffeine.

Doc PT started talking about having a fight with her boyfriend just recently. She then asked Twin, who was listening intently with me, "Ikaw Twin, kamusta na?" My groupmate started talking but couldn't continue and ended up with tears in her eyes. It was, as usual, a boyfriend problem. One that was about a boyfriend leaving the girlfriend hanging, "Like putting me in a shelf so that he can fix everything in his life first and then when it is over, he can pluck me right off it and expect me to be there" kind of thing.

So there was Twin, crying while relating her story , and Doc PT rushing to her side and comforting her (while crying silently herself because she could relate to that situation). And there I was, across the two of them, nodding when necessary, frowning when necessary, smiling when something funny was said. But honestly, I could not relate AT ALL to what they were feeling and what they were saying.

I was asking myself, while trying to listen to them and not fall asleep, why don't I feel the least affected that this person is hurting because of someone she loves? When I already had experienced being hurt because of *hack* chorva luv?

It must be because I've never stood in that position wherein I love a person and the person loves me but then there comes this time where he will suddenly brush me off like I'm a nuisance or a gnat. Kase, baka masapak ko ang aking hypothetical boyfriend kung gawin nya sa akin yan. =) It must be because, yes, I've never had a boyfriend. Maybe that's why it is so hard for me to understand why Twin would still call her boyfriend a million times when it was obvious he didn't want to talk to her. Maybe that's why when Doc PT looked at me, while she was wiping her tears, I had dry eyes. Because in my current belief system, if ever, I know I won't be running after the guy. If ever I will, it would be with a chainsaw in my hand intent on cutting his neck. =)

Ang lagay sa akin eh, ganun ba talaga yun? Pero syempre nasasabi ko ito dahil nga wala ako sa position nila. Kasi ako, hindi naman ako iniwang 'hanging by a moment.' Ako yung umalis at never naman akong sinuyo tapos biglang nawala yung constant attention. Kaya't malakas akong humirit sa sarili ko na "NO way, Jose!" sa pag-hagilap sa hypothetical boyfriend. Pero hindi nga, I don't think I have the patience to do what Twin did (the calling of and trying to understand the A-hole BF). Kaya nga wala akong boyfriend at ayoko munang magka-boyfriend. Wala akong pasyensya. At ayoko na ng iniiyakan ang lalaki. Nagsawa na, for now, yung tear ducts ko.

Sabi nga ni Doc PT sa akin "You're lucky you're not in our shoes yet." Hay dear, wala pa akong balak isukat yan. Pihikan ang feet ko. =)

Bugger

2004-08-26T16:35:00.000+08:00

So this is how it feels like to be Bridget Jones. In social gatherings (such as the one I attended last Friday), people are starting to ask if other people have that ELUSIVE significant other already. As if it is a requirement, like a college degree, that one has to acheive, attain, conquer. And if such individual questioned answers inappropriately: meaning she/he has not yet met such requirement, then one is either looked down as a failure, made to feel like an unattractive microbe, or becomes the endless END of relationship jokes. We ARE getting old.

Wish Ko Lang

2004-08-21T01:19:00.000+08:00

I am lifting MY rule of not talking about him. Because now, I can remind myself of him all I want and it would not hurt anymore.

I got to see Sean again tonight (or more technically, last night) when our block had our spur-of-the-moment dinner. As usual, I was all "I'm not going to talk to you unless I need to." =) I guess I was afraid that if I let my guard down, I might go back to that vicious cycle of mine and start feeling all mushy and go ga-ga over the guy again. I am aware enough that I'm not yet above that so I was very much 'shields-up.'

But after the initial kaba was over, I suddenly found my situation funny. Especially when we accidently ended up sitting next to each other. Ofcourse, I still did not speak to him, due to the above-mentioned reason. But thankfully, I was no longer the jumpy wreck that I would have been if it were last year when I was still bugged over him. I was actually smiling to myself, and started remembering all that we did, all the stupidity I did, and all those things that happened which at the time felt like it was hell on earth but now just seemed all too crazy. Parang telenovela. ^__^;

I don't exactly know why I found my situation funny. Maybe it's because everything just seemed too ironic. I tried my best for the last few hours to avoid him, and then we end up in that peculiar and awkward position where we both don't want to be in (obviously). And with Jason to complete the triangle we made in that table corner. Hehe, talk about getting LITERAL. =D I was worried of what Olive would think when she comes and see us. But I deduced that the two of them already had some understanding and I knew that it wouldn't be a big deal anymore.

When we were about to leave Marga's place, standing in that historic doorway of 10k2, Sean said good-bye to all of us. That meant including ME. As I was sitting semi-comfortably in the FX on my way home, I remembered a similar incident at MusicOne last March wherein I was the one who acknowledged him first.

I guess we would just have to stay that way for now, making baby steps. I felt that familiar tug, that regret in my chest that could mean so many things but I know says only one: I regret not talking to him tonight. It feels sad because in giving into that urge to finally do that, it would put us to that track where we can be friends again. I felt that pull a couple of times all throughout dinner, where I wanted to just turn to him and ask "Kamusta na?" with the tone and sincerity of a long lost friend.

I hope that someday, we will find ourselves sitting next to each other again and this time talking about things without the baggage of awkwardness, reservation, and misconceptions anylonger. I truly wish we'd finally stop passing that stupid ball of relenting and move on. In other words, I hope we finally cut this bullshit and start over as friends. =)

Backtracking

2004-08-14T01:20:00.000+08:00

Friday, June 06, 2003, 9:58:38 PM

"I don't know which is harder, to be with you or to be without you. I have to let you go because you love her, and I hurt every time I see you hurt when you are not with her. And I can't be in this relationship where I am the only one who loves and hurts for the both of us every time.

I have to let you go because, as I have said before, I have been telling you that I love you yet I do not put it in action. And the best way to show you that I love you is to let you go. Because that is what you want, and that is what you need.

I don't want to make you worse, I want you to become better. I'm so sorry that I have added to your confusions."

Friday, October 3, 2003, unknown time

"I am no special case. I'm not the only one in the world who loves but is not loved back. There are many of us that wade in this world. Why else would there be gammuts of sad love songs?

I miss you, love.
I love the way you love but I hate the
way I'm supposed to love you back."

Saturday, December 13, 2003, 3:15:51 PM

"I saw him the morning before TRP. I wasn't prepared for what I felt. Because I panicked when I saw him at the entrance of Robinson's on my way to Pedro Gil street. I thought I was more together than that. "Putang Ina" was the first thing my mouth uttered. Then I gained some composure and just walked straight to the exit. Come TRP, I thought she'd be there. But she wasn't I didn't know if I should be happy, relieved, etc, etc. Then I thought it would be easier that she wasn't there at TRP because it would mean that I won't have to see them together. I thought wrong, as usual. Because if she was there, I would be in the defensive mode. I would be constantly reminded that there should be an ocean between us. That he is only an enemy to my eyes, and my walls wouldn't be down so low as to let any emotion in. But without her by his side, I couldn't help but look at his hands. I couldn't help but be reminded. That I want him to come back and fix me. Which shouldn't be the case because only I can fix myself. I guess it is better this way. Because it is wrong that the woman should love the man more. Because it should be an equal measure. Because I won't settle for anything less."

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My journal entries last year. Graveh, ang drama ko. =) Today, I didn't even remember that Lady Med would be tonight until I was already on my way home. Last year eh one month before the thing pa lang, aware na aware na ako. ^__^ How things change in a year. =)

Sayang, hindi ko tuloy nakita si Baste. =(

The Eye

2004-08-07T13:30:00.000+08:00

I found my right contact lens. And it's a little freaky where I found them. It was still on my right eye, all this time. Well, technically, it was lodged on the right side of my eye under the eyelids. It was just there. For two days already. I thought it fell off because when I checked my eye in front of the mirror I couldn't see it there anymore. Yikes. I know stories of people going blind because they left their contacts overnight (though it has never happened to me even when I intentionally leave them on sometimes because I have to). But that AWOL contact lens has been there, undetected by my body, for two days already.

I thought it would hurt my eye very much if it were left there lodged so I assumed that the contact lens DID fall off. Pero scary kasi hindi sumakit. Meron lang konting discomfort na akala ko eh dahil sa pagod na yung mata ko dahil nasi-strain. Natakot nga ako kasi feeling ko baka matanggal na yung cornea ko. ^_^

Pwedeng-pwede na magkaroon ako ng infection at kailangan pang operahan. Buti na lang at sa right side ng eye ko, kasi kung sa left, malamang may nabara na. Ayaw kong mabulag! Thank God it popped out before worse things could happen.

So, for those who wear contact lens: Yes, it does happen that you think it already fell off but it was still on your eye. It happened to my sister too. So be careful, check and really make sure that it was really removed. And as much as possible, don't leave it overnight.

History Taking

2004-07-29T18:46:00.000+08:00

10 Years Ago, I...
1. was a freshman highschool student.
2. was still commuting back and forth from Cavite to Manila.
3. was more idealistic than I am now.

5 Years Ago, I...
1. had graduated highschool.
2. was entering my freshman year as a BS Biology student.
3. had my first encounter with puppy chuva love everly. ^_^

3 Years Ago, I...
1. was a third year BS Biology college student
2. was very much into Biogyugan, friends, life.
3. was and getting sligthly good grades in Physiology alone. =)

A Year Ago, I...
1. was sawi and a wreck.
2. was entering Med school.
3. was finally flung into reality.

This Year, I...
1. went to the US and Canada and had a hell of a good time.
2. watched Josh Groban's concert.
3. am no longer sawi and is pretty fabulous. =)

Yesterday, I...
1. just surfed the net like I had no exams.
2. wanted to watch Mean Girls pero hindi pwede dahil sa lintek na NTS na yan.
3. have finally decided on things.

Today, I...
1. lost my fuckin' contacts.
2. felt the world was conspiring against me again.
3. am already fed up with people asking me "Bakit malaki ang bag mo ngayon?"

Tomorrow I will...
1. hopefully not fuck up on my Patho Exam.
2. hopefully watch a movie kahit pa shifting exams na next week.
3. be dreaming that it's already next Friday.

Mapped Across The Stars

2004-07-25T17:11:00.000+08:00

Tingin na naman ako ng tingin sa Horoscope ko.

Pero ano nga naman ba ito para sabihin sa akin kung ano dapat ang gawin ko?

Oo at nagakakatotoo yung ibang mga sinasabi ng Horoscope. At yang mga iyan eh yung mga nabasa ko pagkatapos na mangyari yung "event" at hindi lang dahil sa power of suggestion nito.

Pero kung sa tingin ko ay may dapat akong gawin na kinakailangan, why should it stop me? I think I'm capable enough of creating my own destiny. Or so I think.

"Somebody shake me coz I must be sleeping."

My Horoscope for Year 2004:
This is your year because Jupiter at least gives you a sense of optimism allowing you to make better choices and take more chances.
The only thing to be careful about is going overboard with over-confidence because a bill will eventually come due and you could find yourself overweight or flat broke when the party is over.

Ayan, nagkakatotoo na.

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Virgo August 23 to September 22 - Ruler: Mercury - Body: Intestines, spleen, abdominal cavity - Element: Earth
Adventure 101 is about to begin. Be willing to brave it out on the limb, dear Virgo. Risk taking will pay off. You are primed to enjoy a new lease on life and there is no better time than the present. Step out of your own way. Stop that nagging inner dialogue of perpetual excuse making. Watch out! Synchronicity is coming to zap you right where it counts the most. Venus teams up with Uranus now in Pisces (from Jan 15 to Feb 9), unlocking beautiful new financial and romantic possibilities. Expect something completely different and out of the blue - with a flavour of the exotic, exceptional and/or extreme. Don't dismay if a surprise results in a sudden ending. A space needs to be created before your cup can be refilled with better and more. Accelerator Uranus will gift you with the quick turnaround. Benefic Jupiter is your great ally, broadening the playground, expanding hope, ambition and creative vision, and delivering great feedback this year, next year, and so on. Watch the last week of Feb./beginning of March for a great window of opportunity - financial and/or romantic. A location move (buy, sell or rent) or change within the home is likely. End of July/beginning of August brings a time of transition.

Pilipino Ako, Na Hindi Kailanman Magiging Pulitiko

2004-07-22T18:30:00.000+08:00

"Ako ay Pilipino. Magtrabaho ay marangal."

Amen. Agree ako dyan, Angelo dela Cruz. Kesa yung magnakaw sa mga wala, ang manloko ng ibang tao para lang kumita, at ang mga nangbabarat ng ibang tao para lang makadagdag sa nahahakot niya. In other words, buti nang maging Pinoy kesa Kano. Mabuti nang maging OFW kesa maging Pulitiko. =P

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Ang kababawan talaga ng mga swangit na media natin. Pati yung kung ano ang nakukuhang coverage ng kalabang station eh pinalalalaki. Hindi ba sila nachi-cheapan sa mga pinaggagagawa nila? Wish ko lang talaga bumagsak na yang mga mega networks na yan para matigil na ang monopoly sa TV. At para naman maibsan ang mga kasuka-suka nang telenovelas.

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Dapat lang talaga ay WAG GUMASTOS NG SOBRA-SOBRA para sa pagdating ni Angelo dela Cruz. Oo, okay lang sa akin na gumastos at mag-handa ng ng mas matindi pa sa preparation pag may dumadating na FOREIGN DIGNITARY. Dahil naman noh, KABABAYAN NATIN YAN. At muntikan pang patayin. Pero wag namang sobra-sobra. Feeling ko rin naman, hindi lang dyan sa celebration mapupunta yung pera. Syempre may mga mahuhulog sa mga bulsa ng mga gahamang pulitiko. Pohtah.

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Update: On that Pharma exam? I f*ckin' PASSED!!!! Ahahahahahaha! Graveh na ito! Himala na talaga yan! Dapat 35 ang passing. Tapos nang nag-NPL, naging 32.5. Hala, eh 33 ako! Ahahahahaha! Benteng hula yan na tama! =D

Hulabaloo

2004-07-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

Mukha na kaming mga zombies kaninang Microbio. Katatapos lang ng exam namin ng alas-syete ng umaga tapos kasunod agad ay limang lectures na isang damakmak ang laman na impormasyon, hindi mo na malaman kung saan mo pa isisingit. Hindi lang isa-isa ang mga nakita kong mga ulong nakasubsob na sa desk, hindi pa kasama dyan ang mga nagpapanggap pa na nakikinig pero nasa dreamland na. May isa nga akong kaklase na nahulog na yung notebook dahil hindi na napansin na nakatulog na siya. Iyan ang second year Med. Pumapasok ka lang para mag-exam, at matulog sa mga 5 minute breaks.

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Ayaw ko na. No more flirting. Friendliness galore na lang.

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Pinalaya na si Angelo Dela Cruz, ang epitome ng Juan Dela Cruz abroad. Salamat naman.

Actually, I had already slightly convinced my pessimistic self that he's already dead and that America's "Told you, told you, told you so" chant would be at the heels of this news. Pero hinde. Gusto pa talaga ng Diyos na mabuhay si Angelo DLC. At para rin naman masupalpal sa mga Kano na may pinatunguhang maganda ang ginusto nating mangyari.

Just so it's clear, hindi ako relieved dahil sa hindi tayo na-"BUTI NGA." I'm truly relieved that he's alive and that there's still some mercy left in those Iraquis and that it proves (a little) that they can be men who are true to their word.

Drugged

2004-07-14T21:01:00.000+08:00

Resolutions again:
1. It's about time I start being responsible, like the 21 year old person that I am.
2. I will stop writing about CGTRC. There's no need in reiterating the truth. =D Eenuf.

In case you were wondering what happened to my Pharma exam, I did so badly, I should be weeping like a baby right now (instead of blogging and wasting time). Sa hirap, para akong lumulutang sa kawalan pagkatapos. Parang pilit piniga yung utak ko pero dahil tuyong-tuyo naman sa impormasyon, walang nakuhang kahit na ano. Mga less than 10 lang yung sigurado kong sagot. Hala bira. Yung mga gamot na nasa exam, eh parang wala nga dun sa mga libro. Ano ba yun. Alam ko nga yung adverse effect, ang tinatanung naman eh yung mechanism of action na sobra sa specific, nakurta na yung utak ko. Dapat pala tinulog ko na lang siya last night, may nahita pa ako.

Psychiatry naman bukas. Dapat ulit nag-aaral na ako ngayon. Pero mas madali na yun, kumpara sa Pharma. Meron pang Medicine at Patho. Grabe na ito. Kulang na kulang na ako sa 'air space up there.' Kailangan ko ng slave drive.

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Buti na lang at pumayag na si GMA na i-pull out yung troops. Halata mong playing safe pa rin kahit papaano dahil pakaunti-kaunti. But it's a good start.

Sabi sa news, 'disappointed' daw ang Amerika at Australia sa desisyon ni Gloria. Eh so? E di ma-disappoint kayo. Hindi naman sila mga Pilipino para magreklamo. If GMA's action is seen as a weakness by them, to me it's just the right thing to do. Because that war is not OUR war. Risking the lives of our countrymen would be useless dahil sa totoo lang, wala naman kaming makukuha dyan kung magpapadala kami ng army troops. First and foremost, we already cannot afford to send troops there because WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH HERE AT HOME. Wala na nga kaming pera, kami pa yung gastos ng gastos. Para sa ano? Para magpakitang gilas sa buong mundo? Nanaman? Leave it to Efren Reyes and Manny Pacquiao, Gloria. Bring home our people and fix the problems of our own country, and not that of ANOTHER.

Pero nakikini-kinita ko nang iipitin tayo ng mga Kano pagdating sa gasolina. Napansin nyo ba na parang nag-stabilize yung oil prices natin (kahit na papaano)? Naku, dahil dyan, sure na paiiralin na naman ng mga Amerikano ang kanilang pagiging tuso. Haaay. Talaga naman. Kung ihahalintulad nga sa class hierarchy ng isang society, eh ang mga Kano ang mga mayayamang pilit na tinutulak pababa ang mga nasa ibaba nila para wala silang kumpitensya. At tayong mga mahihirap, kakapit sa patalim para lang mabuhay.

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Napansin ko din kay Gloria na mas confident na sya sa pag-decide ukol sa mga bagay-bagay. Siguro dahil sa proclaimed at 'legal' na syang pangulo ng Pilipinas kaya't feeling nya mas stable ang kanyang footing ngayon at mas marami syang back-up.

Gusto ko rin ang nangyayaring "news blackout." Kasi hindi naman news blackout talaga. The government just chooses not to say anything unless they're already sure of it. Which is a good sign because they're finally learning to be careful of what they say. At salamat na rin dun sa 'maling information' na nakalat salamat sa ating makulit, walang respeto, at irresponsible na media, natuto kahit papaano ang mga tao na hindi ka basta-basta naglalabas ng kahit na ano na lang na information lalo na't sa isang maselang bagay. At ngayon, dapat na matutunan ng media natin na ang "freedom of speech" ay may kaakibat na responsibility. At ang kanilang ipinagpipilitang "everyone has a right to information" ay dapat ire-phrase na "everyone has a right to THE RIGHT information."

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Whew! Ang political ng entry ko. I haven't even started with PLM's political problem right now. Pag may panahon na ako, and when the right nerve gets hit, I'll rant about that one. It's really juicy but I don't have all the facts yet. Kailangan ko pang mabasa yung school newspaper na "Ang Pamantasan" na yan. Kasi ilang beses nang nagpalabas ng chuva memorandum ang admin ng PLM so we've heard THEIR side. It's time we hear the side of those who got kicked out.

To Be or Not To Be

2004-07-13T01:03:00.000+08:00

I don't know who's having it better and easier. Employed (formerly or otherwise) friends and family are complaining that it's so hard to work, to be burdened with the responsibilities, and the worst of it: nakakabobo DAW. But then kids like me who are still in school (but can already work) are yapping over having a hard time studying, not having money, and wanting to work already. Ano ba talaga? So where should we be stuck? In the middle? Naku, in this aspect, mahirap ang magpaka-indecisive. Kasi if you are, there's a big chance that you'll get stuck in the middle, as a CERTIFIED BUM.

Marianne, the Right Job for you will allow you to be:

Analytical and Creative

As an Analytical type, you don't want to be limited by established rules and regulations. Your inquisitive nature demands that you sometimes question authority. Otherwise, you might not be able to find fresh approaches, or come up with new solutions to a problem. It's not that you act without weighing the pros and cons of a situation — it's more that you're more willing than others to take justifiable risks if they'll further your career success.

You're smart enough to know when you need help and are confident enough in your abilities to ask for it. You understand that sometimes there are no clear right and wrong answers, and that's just fine with you because you tolerate gray areas better than most. In fact, pondering potential outcomes can sometimes be more interesting than coming up with the definitive solution for you.

Your right job doesn't have to be about self-expression, but it needs to be a job you can be proud of.

Sabi nga ni Bean [sa kanyang utak lamang]: "You learn. You analyze. You choose. You DO." *swoons*

Today

2004-07-13T00:05:00.000+08:00

So, how have I been? I'll just outline it to have a more organized entry. *hoots out:* OC!

I. SCHOOL LIFE
Weeelll. Wala lang. I'm supposed to be studying anti-malarial, anti-bacterial, anti-helminthic, anti-protozoal, anti-viral, anti-hiv, anti-folate drugs, sulfonamides, quinolones, and urinary antiseptics right now (bear with me, I was checking if I could remember what I'm supposed to study). But since I just finished slaving away two hours for Microbiology (which I enjoyed nonetheless), I'm in the "I deserve this guilt-ridden break, Conscience, so shut up" state. May apat na exams ako this week. Syempre, ang naaaral ko pa lang eh yung sa pang-Wednesday (Pharma), at hindi pa talaga aral yun. 'Highlight' lang. As in, natapos ko lang i-highlight lahat ng trans ko. Pwet. Medyo may naalalang mga gamot, pero halu, isang damakmak yun. Ewan. Dapat nga hindi ako nagrereklamo dito kundi ay nag-aaral na lang. E bakit ba, break ko nga eh. =P

II. NON-EXISTENT LOVE LIFE
Eherm. Nate-tame ko na ng kaunti ang sarili ko. Hindi na ako gaanong harus at irap queen ngayon. Grabe, kasi nung nakaraang week, ako ay isang malaking weEVIL. Hehe, todo irap na kita ng lahat at talagang hindi namamansin. As in outright.

Example: si 'Can't Seem To Get THE RIGHT Clue' [aka CSTGTRC] -"Bye Mean!"
si Mean - doesn't answer back, AT ALL

BAAADD. Alam ko, sa mga romantic dyan (at malamang ay hindi nga kilala si CSTGTRC, therefore hindi alam how much of a bore and epal he is >)), "Aaaawwww, ang sweeeeet. Parang love story." Ulit, pwet. He must think I have a crush on him. HEHHEHE, kasi nga naman, mixed chuva signals and all that. Owel, pramis, non-existent love life yan. Kasi, sya naman eh hindi existing sa aking sphere of LIFE, let alone sa parte na may LOVE. Oh, of spinterish tongue. Matakot ka Mean sa proverbial 'boomerang'!!! o_O

*still, I stand by HOW I FEEL. So therefore, there's really nothing to tell about my love life. Kasi nga HINDI EXISTING.

*pahabol: About Baste-look alike? Well, crush ko pa rin siya. But since I'M THE ONE who doesn't exist in HIS sphere, then there's still NOTHING to tell. =)

III. MAS NON-EXISTENT NA SOCIAL LIFE
Ay ito. Pero I'm trying my best to resuscitate it. I've already asked my barkada to go out this weekend. Para naman pagkatapos ng Hell, medyo mapadpad naman sa Heaven, diba? All work and no play makes me want to kill teachers. =)

IV. PERSONAL LIFE
Hmmm. Ano ba ang sinasakop nitong category na ito? I'm still undecided over so many things. Nakakaloka minsan. Actually, most of the time. Parang pendulum, constantly swinging over my head and just waiting for the right moment to drop and end everything I hold stable and sure. Yun lang muna masasabi ko, for now. Drama princess signing off.

V. MOVIE LIFE
Dahil nga sa domino effect ng all of the above, ako'y kahiya-hiyang huli na sa panunuod ng mga pelikula sa pinilakang tabing. I'm listing down everything I haven't watched but plan to:
1. Kill Bill 2
2. Spidyman 2
3. Ella Enchanted - technically, I have no right yet to rant about not seeing this (dahil hindi pa palabas). Pero feeling ko na I'll be watching this later than I'm supposed to. Kaya rant na ngayon pa lang.
4. Chronicles of Riddick *eherm*
5. Volta - Gusto kong tangkilikin ang sariling atin. Dapat kayo rin. =)
6. Confession of a Teenage Drama Queen
7. Mean Girls - saw this already, but because we got to watch the movie's ending FIRST and it's beginning LAST, that's no way to respect a MOVIE! So yeah, I'm watching it again.

Nope, King Arthur is not on the list. Dahil papanoorin ko lang yan kung may manlibre sa akin.

VI. BOOK LIFE
ENDER'S SHADOW. READ IT.

Shadow of the Hegemon's next. So would be Brilliance of the Moon (which my sister haven't bought yet). Also, I haven't finished Chronicles of Narnia, which I TRULY PLAN TO. Oh, and I'm after Robert Ludlum's The Bourne Identity. So if you have a copy you don't want anymore, you can always sell it to me. WALANG available na separate book sa bookstores. Yung Bourne TRILOGY lang ang binebenta ngayon. Eh paano kung hindi ko nagustuhan yung una, sayang naman yung P700+ ko. I got mixed reviews on "The Da Vinci Code" and "Angels and Devils" kaya't hinay-hinay lang muna dyan. Med school books, wah? Hehe, lav ya Tortora, Prescott, Fetal Robbins, and pohtahng Katzung. (=O

VII. RANDOM SHITTY LIFE =)

Marianne, the best Zodiac Match for your personality is Scorpio

Scorpio, the Scorpion (October 24 to November 22): This powerful and passionate partner is just your type. Initially, a Scorpio may catch your eye with their confidence and determination. But as you get to know them, you're even more likely to be drawn to the firmness of your Scorpio's convictions and the strength of their desires. People born under this sign often have magnetic personalities. They're also usually able to communicate with a great intensity of emotion. Be aware, because of Scorpios' strong, passionate natures, they sometimes have a tendency to become jealous or critical. However, a Scorpio's love can also be exceptional in its depth and potency. In the bedroom, you'll likely find the Scorpion to have a high libido that keeps them sexually charged. In general, Scorpios are people who feel deeply and react strongly to their emotional perception of the world around them.

Okay. Scorpio, come out, come out WHEREVER YOU ARE!

Good Night, Dear Void

2004-06-26T21:42:00.000+08:00

Minsan, pag nakakakita ako ng "prospect", parang gusto ko ulit makagat ng "bug." Na masarap siguro ang maging main character sa isang relationship (na legal, na pareho kayong bugged sa isa't-isa). Parang may humahatak sa dibdib ko, longing kumbaga na hamakin na naman ang lahat, pati na ang sarili. :) Parang ang sarap maging matapang ulit at tumalon uli sa abyss, this time around with my eyes open for the whole ride. I asked my friend before, how does it feel like to be bugged? How do you know that you're bugged? She couldn't give me concrete answers, and I guess that's just the way it was supposed to be, because a few months after, I got to experience it first hand.

Now I have new questions in mind (to no one in particular): How does it feel like to be bugged? How does it feel like to be part of a relationship where there's REAL chemistry between the two of you? How does it feel that THAT someone's every* cardiac chamber, every* rush of blood through their vessels, every* neuronal impulses are ALL just for you? Haaayy. Sabi nga ng teacher ko sa Med Ethics, when you say something aloud or even just think about it, it sends energy to the cosmic universe and a reaction would most likely occur (or something to that effect). So ayan, tulad na naman ng nangyari sa akin isang (o dalawang?) taon na ang lumipas, baka na naman the universe will humor me and ping pong back an answer. I know there's a chance I can swerve and miss it but if ever I don't, I just hope the incoming ball wouldn't hit so hard that I'd fall flat on my face again. Wince.

*(well, not literally EVERY... ya know... dramalation has its literary purposes =D)

Illusions and Disillusions

2004-06-17T21:58:00.000+08:00

I take back what I said in my old blog. I'm still a beeyatch to that classmate of mine. Pasensya na siya. Para kasi akong lalaki. Pag hindi kita gusto (in the romantic sense), hindi mo ako mapipilit na magustuhan ka kahit na umiyak ka pa ng dugo. Siguro kung ako'y lonely and seeking company, baka may minute-miniscule-granular chance pa siya (na case-to-case basis talaga). Eh kaso I'm very much enjoying my single-blessedness.

At talaga namang hindi ako natatawa sa kanya (meaning nako-cornihan ako sa kanya). Which is really a lost case because top on my priority list for any relationship to form between me and a sentient being is humor. Plus I don't find him interesting, at all. Kung baga, if I were to assign a word that would stand for him, it would be "~~bleah~~ boring." Buti sana kung jive kami at magka-wavelength. Eh hindi eh.

Hehe, ang sama ko talaga. But, as much as I want to ease on the lash, that's just how I see it AND him.

Sandali, bakit nga ba pinag-uubusan ko ito ng panahon? Siguro, naiirita lang talaga ako dahil ayoko ng nagiging uncomfortable ng dahil sa umaali-aligid (na hindi ko naman gusto).

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Naku-cute-tan ako kay Baste ng Sarah: The Teen Princess. ^___^ Partly because he's very good at portraying a nice and funny guy there and also because he does look like my 'crush' in UP Med Class 2008. At si loka, everytime naman na naaalala si 'crush' eh kinikilig. Hhhhrrrmmm. Tapos naalala din ni lola na si 'crush' eh ever-present pala dun sa mga kagagahang ginawa niya noong hibang pa siya dun sa kaklase ni 'crush.' At naandun din si 'crush' nung si lola eh kinalimutan na ang kahihiyan at umiyak habang alam ng marami (na hindi niya mga kilala) na umiiiyak si gaga. (btw, yung gaga, loka, at lola ay iisang tao lamang, in case na nalito kayo)

Kaya't si gaga/loka/lola ay biglang napawi ang kilig at natauhan. Hanggang crush na lang talaga si 'crush.' *sigh* Kung kami ay magkataong mai-pakilala sa isa't-isa muli, eh smile and nod ka na lang at wala nang halong kislap ng mata at ano pang ka-hibangan. Delikado. Ewan kung para sa kanya o para sa iyo. *sigh ulit* Sayang at ito pa naman ang matatawag mong possible (and more importantly) a much more compatible PROSPECT. Pero ito ay opinyon ko lang at hindi vice versa. =D

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This is funny, but admittably true (as far as I can tell). I got it from a blog I happened to pass by early this evening.

"75 Lessons that MUST be Learned in Relationships"

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
6. Don't force an attraction.
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don't settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not
better.
15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.
18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
why would he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.
29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.
31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!
34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else's man.
40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with
him.
42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.
43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb ...
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and
someone unloving-loving.
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55. Never become your man's "therapist".
56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he
wouldn't do for you.
59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it
for granted.
60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.
62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother's house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When it's time to let go; let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don't play games.
72. You can't make a whore into a housewife - or husband.
73. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.

Hehehe, #75 - May kilala akong ganito ah. Si Homer ito eh. =)

Tales of the Otori

2004-06-13T20:47:00.000+08:00

Brilliance of the Moon is OUT!!! I thought they would release it on September of this year (since its 'predecessor' Grass For His Pillow [in short, GFHP - it'll be hard to type everytime I'll mention it] was released on the same month last year) but I guess people were already clamoring for it so they were compelled to release it earlier. After all, the book (Brilliance) was already technically finished in 2001.

I had just finished reading GFHP tonight and well, nakakabitin siya. Ayoko ngang basahin yung first chapter na nasa official site dahil gusto ko, pag binasa ko na siya eh in it's entirety already, as in the full experience na with the whole book to gobble up. Kaya nga't nakaonline ako ngayon dahil gusto kong tingnan yung official site for any info on the third book of the trilogy. And so I was surprised to see that it's already out in the market.

I don't want to talk about the story, because like in movies, I'd like the viewers/audience/readers to experience it the way I did. And so they too have to immerse themselves into it completely but not get an inch from me. So I'll just stay in the shallow end of the "okray/objective reviewing world" and say that the author (in GFHP) was very good at keeping the reader at the edge of their seats, not knowing next what other bad fortunes should befall our protagonists and would they be able to come out of it the same or completely different, alive or dead. The narration was very vivid: you can almost smell the snow, hear the heron in the stream, fishing for its next meal, and feel the cherry blossom's petals as they fall. The foreshadowing was also good, and you are left to wonder and torture yourself if this will be a happily-ever-after book or a tragedy in the end. But all the same, you will root for the characters, you'll hate some but understand where they are coming from, and you'll be scared shit for them.

Do I have to say that I duly recommend it? =) Well, I do. Especially GFHP. Pero syempre hindi naman pwede na basahin nyo ang GFHP nang hindi nyo binabasa yung Across the Nightingale Floor (ATNF - 1st book of the trilogy). Mas naantig nga lang talaga ako ng GFHP, kaya mas recommended ko ito. Pero astig din yung ATNF. Syempre hindi naman ako magfa-follow up sa trilogy kung hindi, diba? Pag ginawa itong movie(the trilogy), and I've heard there are plans, it would be really cool to see Takeo's abilities in action plus the scenery of Lian Hearn's imaginary, Japanese-driven world.

Rating (for GFHP): 4 star and a half out of 5. (Bakit hindi 5? kasi nung first few chapters, hindi ako gaanong nahook-up nung story. Yun lang. =))

A Tribute

2004-06-09T23:13:00.000+08:00

To my old blog, you have been good to me. I will miss you. *smooches, and waves a hand a-la Sandara* Babay.